Saturday, April 21, 2007

You Never Have Enough Toilet Paper

Have you ever run out of toilet paper? My wife Jan is a toilet paper addict. I know as humans, we all have certain addictions but to be a toilet paper addict takes the cake. I believe this obsession took hold many years ago. Jan and I were sitting on the front porch and a young neighborhood girl strolled up to us with an empty toilet paper roll (the cardboard holder). The young girl said, "Hello, can I borrow some toilet paper, we ran out?" Jan and I looked at each other in disbelief. I've often heard of neighbors borrowing a cup of sugar or flour, but never toilet paper. The little girl's mother was probably sitting on the throne saying, "Will somebody get me some toilet paper?" The youngster then took action.
I can't remember if we did give the girl some toilet paper. I hope so, because her mother could still be waiting for it. From that point on, Jan always made sure we had enough tp in our house.
Last weekend we shopped at Wal-Mart. Just before we were ready to check out our purchases I said to Jan, "Is there anything else we need? Jan replied "We could use some toilet paper" I said " You've got to be kidding me!" Jan never buys just one pack of tp, but fills up the entire shopping cart. Nothing but the best too. Charmin Ultra. I'm beginning to think she is somehow related to Mr. Whipple. Gees, I know our basement is stockpiled with packages of tp. I relent and say "Okay, filler-up".
When we got home I checked out the inventory of tp. I counted 156 rolls. Yikes. I said," Jan we have 156 rolls of toilet paper, how many rolls do we use in a week?" She said, "Around 3 rolls a week." I quickly calculated 156 rolls divided by 3 gives us 52 weeks of toilet paper. I'm sure not too many people horde this much toilet paper. Jan said, " I know, but you never have enough toilet paper".


Anonymous said...

Hey Mark
We really got a chuckle out of the TOILET PAPER article. Jan IS RIGHT. You can never have too much toilet paper ON HAND---OOPS---I mean in stock. That's generally the last thing Ralph says when we are ready to check out at Walmart----DO WE NEED ANY TOILET PAPER?----LOL

Daleen said...

Hey brother,
Enjoying your blog. How cool! Do they have a 12 step program for that tp addiction? I'm with her there, but I'm a Cottonelle girl myself ;-) When we lived in our previous house we kept some under the sink cabinet, but the bulk of the tp was kept in the hall linen closet. You know who usually was the one to get caught without it.(hint: it wasn't me.) Denny said," I've never found myself in the hall needing tp!" And yet I don't think he ever once thought to get some from the hall closet and put it in the bathroom.
Make it great week end.

Anonymous said...

LMAO (no pun intended)...good blog, Pop. You crack me up. We miss your sense of humor when we aren't around.

Anonymous said...

Ya IDIOT!! What ya don't know, I may have "other" hiding places? You'll never know. Some day you will thank me!

David and Heidi said...

Oh boy! I find this kind of funny as I was talking to Jen about this today. Yep, as with many things I've followed in mom footsteps with this one. Our cabinet in the sink must be full at all times and some upstairs too. And Charmin Ultra only. My problem is that it doesn't stop with toilet's the same with all cleaning products...especially paper towels, clorox wipes, and detergent just to name a few. For instance right now I have 3 large bottles of detergent. Why? Dunno...just ask my mom!

David and Heidi said...

By the way...I'm diggin' your pic on your page. Sweet!

Kyle Roth said...

Erika told me about this after the shower for Tera today. Too funny.

That pic... that frog is from the hotel at Zac and Lauren's wedding! HAHA.